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Hi! I’m Liz Your Cruise Director! By Liz Crowe

Greetings Liz fans, salivating acolytes, and others! I sincerely apologize for skipping our Pro Rookie time together here last month. I let May slip by me a bit, I’ll admit because I was planning and implementing one of the very first vacations of my life that did not revolve around a massive soccer tournament.


Mind you, I’m not complaining.

I’ve seen some of the finest Iowa, Wisconsin, Indiana, Illinois, North Carolina, and Orlando, Fla. have to offer by way of soccer fields thanks to my time spent as soccer-mom-bent-on-a-scholarship-for-my-kid. But that life—up at a** crack of dawn when you draw the unlucky early game. Back to the generic hotel-with-breakfast-bar to rehash game and drink from your cooler with parents after—had gotten a tad stale for me, vacation-wise. And for the record, three years in a row in horrifically crowded utterly magical Orlando between Christmas and New Year’s for crucial play-and-be-seen tourneys was a bit of a drag on the old household budget.

Now that said daughter is playing at her desired D1 school (sans scholarship, but we can talk about that another time…) I am free, more or less, to take vacations where I want to go. So when some old friends of ours suggested we join them on a Carnival Cruise for their 30th anniversary, I muscled past my innate terror of being on a huge boat in the middle of the Atlantic with two-thousand other people and their germs, and we went!


Best laid plans, and all that

I had big plans for it, too. I would take my laptop and I’d by golly go hip-deep into the Massive Re-Re-Re-Revision Project for my agent and make that sucker absolutely perfect and Big Publisher-Worthy by the end of the five, relaxing days at sea. I ensured that I had all the necessary feedback I’d been attempting to gather by reading from my agent’s suggested list, and obtaining commentary from one of my trusted editors on the manuscript based on agent’s most recent critique/request for revision. I packed. We flew to Charleston and had a lovely, relaxing weekend there (one of my fav cities) which prepared me for the task ahead.




I don’t know if any of you fine folks have embarked on one or more of these particular junkets, but ours, which included stops at a private (cruise-boat-owned) Cay and at Nassau, Bahamas, seemed designed to distract me, Seriously Striving to Be Better Author at every moment. For starters, Gary The Cruise Director had the most charming Scottish accent, that he used ‘round the clock to remind us of all of the fun that could be had, well nigh 24-7 aboard this particular boat, the Ecstasy—and no, not THAT kind of a cruise, okay? I’m past that stage of research.

My point here, kids, is not to rub your noses in the fact that I got to take a cruise. Oh no. My point is that now that I’ve had my fun (check my Instagram for photo proof, if you’re so inclined) and am back on dry land (albeit still weaving a bit) you’d think I’d have my butt in gear on this crucial piece of my Author Goals puzzle. I mean, agent said “go forth and rewrite this thing again so I can sell it to Big Publisher Targets.” That in and of itself should be all the motivation one needs. I’ve always been the one to preach that authors are only as good as their next hard edit/revision.


But I’m struggling with this one, dear ones. Struggling hard.

This morning, I awoke with the fast-fading melodious tones of Gary My Cruise Director in my ears and I recall thinking “how does that guy stay so motivated all the damn time?” My way of thinking this depended on my relative level of deck drinks but sometimes it was annoying, and sometimes it was impressive. Bottom line was, the dude was impressive, as were all the employees of this cruise line. He was always “up” regardless of his audience’s response to what he was doing (for the record, the Lip Sync Battle on the Lido Deck on day one at sea was awesome—the “Hairy Chest Contest” on day four, not so much but we were all a tad saturated by then).

So I’ve decided I’m going to use Gary as my motivation. I’m gonna rip open this dang book (already subjected to four revisions/rewrites, to be clear) and give it another go. I mean, what are my options? If I don’t do it, Agent will be done with me and there goes my dream of being a 2019 Top Beach Read for People Magazine. If I do, and it doesn’t sell, at least I can say I tried. And if I do, and it does sell, I’ll be headed back to celebrate on a cruise ‘cause I am a convert, yo. Never mind that we found out the day we disembarked from the Ecstasy that this boat was The One where some drunken idiot got himself crushed by one of the elevators….glad I found that out that AFTER I got off the boat.


Carry on, Liz Acolytes, no matter what your project, in the way of Gary, the Cruise Director. Be your own damn cheerleader, no matter if your audience is of one, or one thousand! I’ll be over here, attempting not to fling my laptop through the wall as I pay my dues revise again, ever seeking my author goals.


Love ya to pieces,


[box] Bio: 

Liz CroweAmazon best-selling author, mom of three, Realtor, beer blogger, brewery marketing expert, and soccer fan, Liz Crowe is a Kentucky native and graduate of the University of Louisville currently living in Ann Arbor. She has decades of experience in sales and fund raising, plus an eight-year stint as a three-continent, ex-pat trailing spouse.

With stories set in the not-so-common worlds of breweries, on the soccer pitch, in successful real estate offices and at times in exotic locales like Istanbul, Turkey, her books are unique and told with a fresh voice. The Liz Crowe backlist has something for any reader seeking complex storylines with humor and complete casts of characters that will delight, frustrate and linger in the imagination long after the book is finished.



This month’s Blatant Promo includes an invite to join me on Radish, a cool as heck reader app for your phone or tablet. Thisapp allows you to sample books by “episode” (like chapters, only better). Some of my books are 100% free here (HER VEGAS MIRACLE – a m/m/f erotic romance) and some you have to pay for, an episode at a time. I’d encourage you to download the app using the link here to my portfolio of stories and get reading! Note, I have a never-before-published romantic thriller on this app, PRECIOUS VESSEL that is getting a lot of love. It’s in the “freemium” category so I think you can read most of it free, too! Enjoy!



Amazon best-selling author, mom of three, Realtor, beer blogger, brewery marketing expert, and soccer fan, Liz Crowe is a Kentucky native and graduate...
  • D
    Dawn McClure
  • June 25, 2018
YEESSSS! I'm paying my dues as well, so be assured you have some company.

"Authors are only as good as their next hard edit/revision" - Truth! Only that's the scariest line I think I've ever read. :)