I bleach my hair. Well, to be totally honest, Kailey at Salon Aria, in Bettendorf bleaches my hair. She trims it and tones it, and while I may be a 60-something roundish-gal, my hair is it tip-top fighting trim! Or it was 6 weeks ago. But the Monday after the very weekend I committed to social distancing was the last appointment my hair had with Kaylie. So I had to cancel.
So here I am 6 weeks into my normal 3-week cycle of bleach-tone-trim without any of that. At first, I swore I would #LetItGrow. Ya’ll remember that? It seems so long ago. But I did #LetItGrow and boy did it! My now normal pixie, which I am certain makes me look like Michelle William’s super HAUT and young-looking mom, now more resembles the love child of Bob Ross and Lucille Ball.
I had to do something.
I eyed the scissors and wisely decided that attacking the color was far safer than trimming my not-a-pixie. I am certain that when the Coronapocalyse is over, Kailey (God, keep her safe, please) can fix my color but talented as she is I know she cannot magically grow my hair.
Color it is!
So I did what every gal with an internet account, credit card, and Amazon Prime does. I hit YouTube.
“Fixing black roots in platinum hair…”
“Making platinum hair less orange..”
“De-oranging blonde hair”
“DIY bleached blonde now orange”
And so on.
I finally stumbled over a product the Amazon reviewers assured me had Magical Attributes: Schwarzkopf Professional Blond Me Blonde Toning – Ice.
I mean what else could I want?? If C and Karissa loved and they sure as hell didn’t look like they were getting ready to audition for a Florida Orange lookalike competition, my search was OVER!
So I clicked “BUY NOW” and waited…and waited…
Yeah, I know that there people with real problems and they should definitely be getting their stuff first.
Until today…IT CAME!
So I thrust all my other plans aside. These plans consisted of switching out my winter leggings and sweats for my summer cropped leggings and sweats and making deviled eggs for Easter. I know, what a life, eh? But still, I dedicated this morning to toning my out of shape hair. I read all the instructions and carefully mixed (I am a chemist, after all, we take this shit seriously).
Now here’s where it gets interesting. Because neither C or Karissa was forthcoming on the timing. The oracles of the internet all said the same thing, it could be 5 or 30 minutes to process. Hmmm. So I shrugged and decided on 45, more is better amirite?
I measured and mixed and applied Schwarzkopf Professional Blond Me Blonde Toning – Ice mixed perfectly with level 20 developer (also Schwarzkopf Professional Blond Me) to my hair. It really didn’t seem to do much. It didn’t change color nor did it smell and for a bit I really wondered if I had been sucked in by fake product. But after about 30 minutes it could see it was turning color but that color was GRAY. And it all of a sudden was DARK.
I rinsed and blew dry my now most decidedly not orange hair. It was definitely toned. Also good. Yeah so the teensy issue was now it was a rock-solid matronly granite gray. I imagine if El Capitan in Yosemite was a woman’s hair color. GRANITE GRAY. I mean I had been thinking about letting my hair grow out and try that salt and pepper thing for a bit, but not like this.
Back to the Oracles of the Internet. And with only a few google searches I stumbled over the way that women had been detoning their hair since time began: Clarifying shampoo. Which of course I had none of, but my lovely man of the house buys cheap-ass-bargain-basement shampoo that could strip the wax off a car. One could call that clarifying.
Et Voila’ Perfect!
My hair looks pretty good. It only took three passes of clarifying shampoo and a couple of extra-strength deep conditioning moisture packs to get it there. Let’s hope it does not fall out before Coronapocalyse is over and I can crawl back to Kaylie, who will likely lecture me on hair abuse.
Stay safe ya’ll and elbow bumps!
Here’s the results! Not bad, eh?