Understanding the Dominant Male by Sascha Illyvich

Welcome to my world.  I’m an erotic romance author with sixteen years of Lifestyle/BDSM experience and am going to share with you what I think makes a successful dominant outside of our reading experiences in erotic bondage.

What makes a successful man?  If we’ve muddled through Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, we’ve probably figured out a great sleeping method!  The book was written in 1920 something and language-wise, was a sleeper.  But there are factors here that help us define the successful man and Dominant in BDSM too.  But most of you are probably readers of erotic romance

The following factors contribute to a successful Dominant male in erotic romance.

Confidence – In himself first and foremost.  If he can handle any situation that comes his way, then he can obtain his life’s dreams, which may include that woman who is just for him and the family they want.  When a man is confident, his image clearly demonstrates that.  His actions demonstrate that.  In any Lifestyle choice, the man must be confident of himself.  He’s allowed to not know answers, that’s just part of learning.  But a successful male or female dominant exudes confidence, not ego.

A healthy Ego – Ego driven by desire helps get the ball moving in life.  I desire something so strongly that I’ll do anything to get it.  Ergo, so will our dominants.

Desire or Passion – Not just passion for the Lifestyle or regular bullshit, if we don’t desire anything, what is there for us?

Purpose – A man with a purpose is aware of himself and why he’s here.  He doesn’t spend time questioning himself.  He knows where he’s going and who should accompany him on the journey as the submissive gives him a special gift that will empower them both.

Support – From loved ones.  From anyone who constructively helps and motivates us.

A sense of right and wrong – Notice I did not say morals.  Morals are subjective to different whims. One of my Dominants wants me and another male. By “moral” standards, that’s wrong.  I don’t get how but some folks don’t see it that way.  However, we both have a sense of right and wrong.  No child harmed, always try to do best for everyone involved, etc.  A man with a sense of right and wrong trusts his gut.  More often than not, he’s powerful in his own right.

Lastly, successful Dominants aren’t afraid of Failure. They understand that it’s an event that triggers a learning experience and a chance to grow.

Every dominant or alpha male written shares these traits, even if they don’t come off as typical  The mindset and reasons behind them are not hard to understand, and those who take my BDSM in Romance class will come away with a greater grasp of what it takes to write a strong male character.

Want to learn more about the BDSM? Check out Sascha’s workshop – BDSM in Romance.


IMG_8242Proclaimed by the Publishing industry as the Bad Boy of Romance, Sascha Illyvich started writing fifteen years ago.  Author of over 45 titles in a variety of subgenres, his erotic romances have been listed under the Night Owl Romance and Road to Romance’s Recommended read list, and he’s been nominated for a CAPA by The Romance Studio.  Recently, Torn to Pieces was a USA TODAY Recommended Read. 

Former host of The Unnamed Romance Show on Radio Dentata Sascha continues to write for Red Sage, Ardent Books, Secret Cravings Publishing, Sizzler Editions, Total E-bound and Decadent Publishing.  Find him at http://saschaillyvichauthor.comAgency Representation provided by The Corvisiero Agency

Managing Imprint Editor for Ardent Books, the erotic division of Assent Publishing, and Imprint Editor at Sizzler Editions, Sascha continues to help other authors build the careers they strive for, as those who came before him helped to do.

For more information visit his websites – Romance Writer, Fetishist, Erotic Expert  Radio Host or Twitter.ía Ilona, vampire queen of San Francisco, and her lover Isabella, have kept The Syndicate and their drugs out of their territory until recently when a new boss stepped in and started making strict demands. Tiring of their threats, Livía strikes a deal with The Syndicate’s leader to keep out of Nob Hill. All she has to do is kill the one man who happens to be causing problems—Joséf Staganov. Except he’s not just a trouble making ex-cop, he’s the key to returning Livía’s human soul.

Rogue cop turned vigilante, Joséf Staganov fights to keep The Syndicate and their drugs off the streets of San Francisco, using whatever means necessary. Aware that his life is on a short leash, he trusts only himself until even that trust is betrayed by an operation gone bad. Now hooked on the drugs he’s trying to eradicate, Joséf vows to take as much of the criminal organization down as possible before he dies.

Except during a fight, the Queen of the Night comes with her lover to his rescue and to abduct him. Capture quickly turns to seduction until Joséf learns the real reason for his kidnapping: Recover Isabella’s boy. The human in him still sees the good of his act, yet the beast Livía accidentally unleashes presents an all new threat. Can the threesome recover Isabella’s son, topple the Syndicate and stop the threats on their lives?

Sascha, who was proclaimed by the publishing industry as The Bad Boy of Romance, started writing sixteen years ago. His erotic romances have been list...