Hi All,

This is a short lesson, but I think it's important to think about the primary tone we hope to convey in our reader. In fact, for your assignment, I want you to consider and identify this primary emotion/tone that you hope your story builds in your reader.

Also, based on the discussion of JKR's use of humor in HP, I'm going to try to write a piece up on that to add to this lesson. It may take me until the end of the week, however.

Susan

“Ignite Your Fiction”
Session Six: Essence of Dialogue & Thought
by Sally J. Walker

Keep in mind that movements of the characters are the visual evidence of who they are and what they are doing. Action. The second component of the “living of the moment” is Dialogue, the words spoken AND thought by the characters. Thought unspoken, the interior monologue of a character, is still HEARD by the reader. Dialogue is the auditory “living of the moment.” Action and dialogue are what the reader seeks to absorb and vicariously experience the story with the character. Credibility in both has to guide the rudimentary structure of your effort.

Not only must it be comfortably simple “conversation,” but good dialogue must also be as succinct as it is dense. Simple to say, tough to do.

Fundamental Concepts of Dialogue
Speech patterns are made up of Syntax (phrasing of one’s sentences) and Diction (word choice and emphasis). Those patterns are learned from infancy through the early pre-school years. Sound patterns are repeatedly connected with meaning and results in the little one’s mind. Regional dialects and idioms become imbedded. Even if the child goes on to learn a second or third language, most humans will revert back to their childhood words in their own thoughts AND in moments of high stress.

Only repeated use will make most humans think in a second language. That’s the reason for “language camps” in the military or for people entering the foreign service. Six weeks of communicating ONLY in a specific language. Practice makes perfect means the electrical-neuron pathways of the brain have been used over and over so a thought can quickly skitter down one pathway when needed. Of course, there are some humans who have a gift for languages. Their brains appear to be wired a tad differently. It’s a gift kind of like natural mathematicians or musicians. Still, humans tend to revert back to their original language for “comfort.”

Think about all of that when you create the Profile of your character’s early life story (birth place, parents, family experience, early education, etc.). Were the parents/ significant people in this person’s life educated, crude-and-rude, reserved with short demands or effusive with a lush vocabulary? Did a foreign-language grandparent or close neighbor spend time with the child? Was the child exposed to different cultures, different terminology, frequently impressed by rituals or religious expectations that were meticulously identified? Best friends may share a common school experience, but their home life will be entirely unique, thus they will NOT sound alike. They will not use the same phrasing or idioms. That is an important concept to grasp when writing your dialogue and, especially when writing your internalizations.

Fundamental Concepts of Thought
Thought patterns are as important to characterization as actual spoken words. The single most important point is when you move into the character’s mind you are taking the reader on a journey into the most intimate area of personality. Where a shy person may speak softly and in brief phrases, this same person could have a brilliant mind and carry on rapid-fire, vivid internal commentary. OR a suave, charismatic man could have dreadfully carnal or gory thoughts when talking to a young woman at a party.

Be true to the personality you create but be willing to nudge your character to mentally consider unusual options or be startled by sudden awareness. Viola! A problem is solved or learning realized. Following the reasoning patterns of characters is particularly satisfying to most readers. Thoughts are where you can rapidly advance story possibilities and consequences in “What if” thoughts and make your reader BELIEVE why the character made either stupid or astute choices. This is also where you demonstrate how sturdy or fragile self-concept is in your character, how confident or terrified, how cognizant he or she is of their place in the world and dream of where to go next.

Thoughts can be summarized or “told” in paragraph form, a narrative tool for hurrying through complex thoughts rather than the details of “flow of consciousness.” Specific thoughts, statements, epithets should be italicized to set them off for emphasis. This tool, like any other literary tool, should not be over-used or your reader will grow weary and skim, especially if the SAME THING is being thought over and over. Don’t do that to your trusting reader who depends on you for a flowing, flawless story instead of the turbulence of perpetual interior angst.

ELEVEN RULES OF DIALOGUE
Always remind yourself that fictional dialogue is meant to be exaggerated, NOT mimic real life with its “um” type hesitations and mundane exchanges. Keep it condensed, purposeful, powerful!

1. Avoid “on-the-nose” dialogue that announces the obvious or precedes the visually obvious, unless it is meant to be humorous or demonstrate the ignorance of the character.

1. Delete too many direct references (speaker names) in sequential dialogue, especially if there are only two people. Each should have a unique voice so the reader KNOWS who is speaking!

1. Avoid said-isms like “he responded,” “she whispered,” “he roared,” “she snapped.” Instead, make certain the speech honestly delivers the said-ism tone you were tempted to use . . . and it is acceptable to sprinkle in physical action to break up “talking heads” and identify the speaker in a scene with multiple characters. Again, use a said-ism ONLY when necessary.

1. Avoid describing dialogue’s nuances with adverbs, those nasty -ly words. Diction should stand alone. Use ONLY those that will indicate how a sentence or phrase is said DIFFERENTLY than it is written, say etched with sarcasm or sputtered in embarrassment. Such directives provide flavor, emphasis, contrast, but use them sparingly

1. Reword heavy-handed (intellectual) dialogue containing too much information. One Speech = One Point. If the character is rambling on or lecturing, break it up. More importantly, ask yourself if the intellectualizing is really necessary AND if you can abbreviate it and have the same effect.

1. Eliminate unnecessary/trivial dialogue, the great time waster, such as “Good morning, Miss Hughes.” “And to you, Mr. Evans. Can I get you some coffee?” “Of course and bring the paper back, too.” <Yawn> Greetings are greetings are greetings. You may think you are setting the tone of relationship but there are MORE VISUAL ways of doing it than wasting precious space with this inane back and forth.

1. Think about occasional use of tension-building multi-layered dialogue that has the nuance of another message being delivered beyond the obvious meaning of the speech. Develop an ear for “something else is going on here.” Have a character say one thing, but by internalized reaction, the listening character realizes there is a meaning beyond these words.

1. Pay attention to brevity of speeches and impact of content. Every single speech given should move the story forward in some way. One way to check this is ask yourself “Would a stranger want to eavesdrop on this conversation?” How interesting is the exchange? What will be the consequence of the exchange? If the exact words are not important, narrate it. “They argued about the divorce throughout the night.”

1. Check for repetitive information, not only in sequential exchanges but throughout the entire work. You can do this by reading JUST the dialogue of each character from the beginning to the end of the work. Yes, one at a time checking for consistency of speech patterns and unique speeches, as well as for repetition of information. Emphasis is fine but saying it three or four times is down-right tiresome and sloppy writing.

1. Let the character’s unique syntax and diction flow. Render replicating a particular dialect ONLY if you are an expert. Instead use authentic idioms or phrases like a native Hispanic or a native Scot would use. If you are going to delve into jargon, you had better be an expert or seek the advice of someone familiar with it. Think professional, regional or era. As a historical reader I feel there is nothing more annoying that someone speaking a 20[sup]th[/sup] century phrase in the 13[sup]th[/sup] century or lay terminology coming out of the mouths of two medical personnel exchanging opinions.

PLEASE devote yourself to making your males sound male and your females sound female. Read Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus by Psychologist John Grey AND You Just Don’t Understand by Linguist Deborah Tannen). A basic concept is that women tend to be more verbose and MOST men (except for salesmen, con artists and attorneys) respond like the Eastwood character in ESCAPE FROM ALCATRAZ when he was asked “How was your childhood?” “Short.”

1. Finally, READ ALOUD facing a mirror, preferably in an enclosed space like a bathroom. Ask “Is it awkward? Does it logically flow? Are the sentences too long? Is the tone of each speech credible? Is the arguing too long-winded instead of accusatory snapping? Does the child sound like a child of that age?” You get the idea. Bottom line: Is it credible?

FINE-TUNING DIALOGUE
Dialogue’s subtle innuendo takes work. Everyday conversation is filled with this sort of communication. One innuendo example can be anger over a trivial matter as demonstrating eruption of a deeper disturbance. Blustering or bragging can reflect insecurities. Questions can also mirror insecurities rather than simply demonstrate ignorance. Words juxtaposed against facial expression or body language is another technique. But, remember, overuse of blatant innuendo grates on reader intellect in drama while creating expectation in comedy.

“A picture is worth a 1,000 words” is a very true adage in fiction as well as in screenwriting. Let the visuals or actions of your characters deliver information or facts the audience needs in order to suspend their own disbelief and “buy into the fictional illusion.” Leave the characters’ speeches as limited-view windows on their motivations and concerns. Delete lecturing and redundant information-sharing. You may think this sort of thing is necessary to impress a point on the reader. In reality, you need to EXPECT these people to “get it.” Any prolonged “lectures” wear away that thin film of illusion because your reader has to step out of the story to consider the lengthy points being made. Less is more is an appropriate adage in any dialogue of any fictional form.

If each character is speaking in a manner true to background and motivations, two vital experiences result: 1) your reader will understand and accept and 2) will discover and become involved in personalities, slipping easily in to their skin and living their lives vicariously. The fictional illusion evolves into a tangible experience for the reader.

Remember Professor Higgins in MY FAIR LADY? He was an obsessive linguist who believed he could identify every person’s origins through their speech patterns. Think about that as you “hear” your character’s words. Have you given each character a unique speech pattern? Beware your own pet phrases that may repeat in various characters. I enjoy the Tara Janzen books about the “Chop Shop Boys” of Denver who grew up to be mega warriors against the terrorists of the world . . . but it drives me NUTS that each and every one will mentally use the same epithets! NOT credible!

One revision technique I learned from screenwriting guru and UCLA professor emeritus Lew Hunter is to meticulously examine the speeches you’ve written for each character like actors do. Highlight one character’s dialogue throughout the entire work then read aloud JUST those speeches. Does the diction and syntax “play?” In other words, does the character sound credibly consistent? Has any speech said too much, lingered too long to pound a point home when it could have stopped to create tension for what is NOT said? When you follow the next character through the manuscript, does that character sound exactly LIKE the first one? If so, then you need to change something about the second character, perhaps ethnicity, intensity, or motivation. Again, every character needs to sound unique.

One well-known example of the subtle change ethnicity made was in Mike Meyers’ SHREK. He reportedly felt the dialogue of Shrek was flat. It came alive when he changed the dialogue to a Scottish accent. And who can envision Donkey without hearing the motor-mouth and witty inflection of Eddie Murphy?

AVOID THE PITFALLS
Dialogue should NEVER be used when action can portray the same thing. A novelist needs to know when a few comments have turned into an unbroken lecture (that makes the reader feel like taking notes for the test to follow) and like the screenwriter, needs to learn the mantra “This is a movie, not a talkie.” From a novelist’s point-of-view, that means the story needs to MOVE, not get bogged down trying to be realistic or explanatory. Where live theater relies on dialogue 65% of the time to move the play forward, film must focus only 35% on character speech. Personally, I believe in novels and short stories that 35% dialogue (and thought) and 65% action (and narrative) needs to hold true, as well. The current trend is to look for “white space” in fiction and scripts. White space equals a fast-paced story with back-and-forth, fast-paced dialogue, even when the story is character-driven rather than event-driven. Thus, both the action and the character words need to be broken into succinct segments. Succinct also means the “most story movement at the least expense.” Never forget the almighty dollar is a prime consideration in the entertainment industry, whether publishing or film.

Consider that money-saving concept in the modern publishing of compact books with fewer pages aimed at market of the time-starved, over-scheduled readers. You get the SAME need for saying the most in the least amount of space. Succinct dialogue and succinct, vivid narrative delivered in well-structured, intense paragraphs that relate to the reader’s “visual cortex” (in the brain) results in a lot of white space . . . which creates the feel of a fast-paced journey the characters are living . . . and taking the reader along for the ride. A “Page Turner” is one that holds the reader enthralled through all episodes of dialogue and action . . . whereas a story filled with long speeches and long paragraphs full of details SLOWS the story down to dense material that has to be digested before it is appreciated. Here it is again: Less is more.

HOW TO AVOID DUMPING AND EXPLAINING
Because of Lew Hunter’s insightful comments on several of my projects, I’ve discovered two first-draft habits I have: 1) dumping and 2) explaining.

I get so caught up in the character “saying his piece,” that the speeches dump too much on the audience. My character makes several points, addressing too many issues, confusing rather than clarifying the story movement.

One Speech = One Point

Here is an example from the recent rewrite of my spec western, STORM MAKER. Act I introduces the main character, James Bennett, a haunted young attorney making his first appearance back in a Boston courtroom after his vilified service in the Spanish-American War.

* * * * *

James slouches in his chair toying with a telegram, adrift in his own thoughts, opening and closing his right hand. Bertrand leans down.

BERTRAND
Will you put that telegram away,
James. Your sister can wait.
This is your first trial back.
At least act interested!

JAMES
Oh, I’m interested. I may just
gut that goddamn prosecutor if
he doesn’t quit pushing me.

BERTRAND
He’s just trying to influence the
judge. This is a straight forward
civil liability case. Don’t let him
make it anything else. You can
handle it, buddy. Don’t waste the
hours we spent getting ready.

* * * * *

Count how many “points” or different pieces of information were made in each speech. Besides the audience being inundated with information, look at the length of the lines of dialogue. Here’s the revision:

* * * * *
Chewing on a matchstick, James slouches in his chair toying with a telegram, adrift in his own thoughts, opening and closing his right hand. Bertrand leans down, grabs the telegram.

BERTRAND
For our client’s sake, will you
pay attention!

JAMES
(Grabbing back telegram)
I am, Bertrand!

BERTRAND
This is a straight forward
civil liability case. Don’t let
the damn prosecutor make it into
anything else. You can do this.

* * * * *
Give the reader JUST what is needed AT THE MOMENT. Create questions they want answered (but be sure to answer them later). And be true to exactly what that character would say at that moment. Remember: Dialogue should be normal conversation in succinct, dramatic short-hand. Dialogue is not meant to REFLECT life but to DEFINE it as succinctly as possible. Save your philosophy sessions for your nonfiction work. Concentrate on the thrill of your character’s life!

This is simply an overview of Dialogue. I have an entire Eight Session course that goes even more in depth. This session is a good place to start, though.

* * * * *
Exercise for IGNITE Session Six.

I have attached the entire first chapter of my contemporary romantic-suspense novel BIKES & BADGES. Get out the markers and analyze just for these elements:

- Body Language
- Action that moved the story forward & created questions
- Unique actions that characterized
- Speech patterns that depicted education, intellect, attitude
- Internalization that contrasted and revealed motivation

NOTE: This is a "long" worksheet exercise and you don't have to analyze any more than YOU think you need to understand. The idea is to look for JUST those items discussed in the Dialogue Session . . . as well as the fine points of the Action Session. Remember, Action-Dialogue is the final element of E.D.N.A. This exercise is meant to impress the nuances into your awareness. Also, pay attention to Point-of-View, who is observing and cataloguing the experience.

Once you have analyzed the assigned elements, you might want to go back through and look for Exposition's facts, Description's touching of the senses and Narration's summary. Then look at how the elements were woven together to create the ebb-and-flow of the whole for the reader to experience the story with the POV characters.

I am NOT saying MY writing is perfect, since no one's is. What I AM saying is this is how to analyze and THINK of E.D.N.A. purposes as your writing evolves. It is okay to tear mine apart and ask questions where you don't understand.

Hi All,

I want to make sure I can keep up with you all after the class is over. The only social media I've ever been really good about is Twitter. I would love to follow any of you on there, just respond with your Twitter addy, and I'll follow you.

If you want to keep in touch with me, mine is @HP4Writers.

Susan

Hi All,

Today's lesson is on working in real-world relevance into your story. In rereading this before posting, I feel like I've changed a bit on my perspective since writing it. I seem to be almost hesitant in how you can work in social commentary. I think I myself am a bit stronger now in the desire to work in commentary of any sort, but the basic message is still the same -- it needs to be in a way to works WITH your story and voice and is not preachy.

That preachiness is a problem I had with my first YA novel, the one that just came out. I think that's why it took so long to sell it, and even though I revised and revised to get that preachiness out, I know it's still there. I had much better luck with my second YA novel because I deliberately kept that aspect in mind. Also, the second was a fantasy, and it just seemed easier to me to keep the messages in subtext in that format.

For you assignment, IF you're working with some real-world commentary in your novel, please:

1) consider your voice that we discussed in lesson 2 -- how does your message/commentary/thoughts that you're working into this story relate to your author's voice?
2) how are you weaving it into your story while considering the engagement of your reader?

Also, from here on out, our lessons are fairly short. We're through the longest, most intense lessons. But until the end of the course, we can go back and revisit any and all of the lessons as people catch us! ;-)

Thanks!
Susan