Good Morning fellow scribblers.
I'd like your opinion on an idea I've been thinking of. Want to center a series of short stories around a cleaning company who helps people out of dangerous or seemingly impossible situations. Similar to the Denzel Washington film, The Equalizer, but on a larger, organized scale. Here's an example. Open to constructive criticism and feedback.
Living together wasn't supposed to be like this. Kyle hadn't cared about how sick she'd been. Or about the lessons she'd missed at school, and the job interview she'd had to cancel. Instead, his focus was on the so-called mess she'd left. Unlocking her cellphone, she called one of her emergency contacts.
"Alex's Cleaning Company, this is Oscar."
"Hi Oscar," Nicole replied with a raspy voice. "My name's Nicole Young, and I have a mess that needs cleaning."
The next morning, Kyle was woken by the smells of smoked sausage and fresh biscuits. He showered, got dressed, and walked into the kitchen to find a plate of food sitting on the table. Nicole was at the kitchen sink, still in her night clothes and drawing fresh dish water. She turned to face him as he sat down, but didn't say anything.
Kyle eyed his food suspiciously at first.
"You're not gonna eat?" He asked.
"I'm still not doing well." She said. Her voice was losing some of the raspiness, but it was still noticeable. "I'll clean up, and then get some more rest."
Liking what he heard, Kyle started eating.
"If you'd done that before, there wouldn't have been a problem last night."
Nicole just nodded and went back to washing the dishes.
Two hours after Kyle left, Nicole's cellphone rang.
"Hello?"
"May I speak to Nicole Young?" A female voice asked.
"This is she."
"This is Lily with Alex's Cleaning Company. I'm just calling to confirm your morning clean-up appointment with us. Is eleven a.m. still an available time for you?"
"Yes."
"Good to hear," Lily said. "We'll be there shortly, and I'd like to thank you for choosing us for your needs."
By ten forty-five, Nicole had everything she needed packed in a duffel bag. At ten fifty, there was a knock on the door.
When Kyle came home that evening, the kitchen light didn't come on, and the apartment was too quiet. Taking out his cell phone, he turned on his flashlight and looked around. The couch in the living room was gone. So was the television.
"What the fuck?" Kyle muttered.
He moved to the bedroom, and found it empty of furniture as well. No bed, no dresser, even the closet was completely empty. It was the same story with the bathroom. All the cabinets had been cleaned out, and the rugs were gone. There wasn't even any toilet paper left on the holder. Kyle walked back into the kitchen in a daze. He opened the refrigerator and all the cabinets above and beneath the counter tops. Empty.
"What the fuck is going on?"
That was when he noticed the papers in the sink. Holding them in front of his phone, he recognized his own handwriting. All the lists he'd made for Nicole had been dated and stapled together in chronological order. Written on the back of the stack in capital letters were four words.
CLEAN ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Suddenly, a strong pair of hands grabbed Kyle from behind. His phone fell to the floor as his legs were swept out from under him, and a thick arm put him in a sleeper hold. Kyle lost consciousness in a matter of seconds.
On Monday, Kyle woke up in his own bed to a silent, but fully-furnished apartment. Everything that had been gone on Saturday was back in it's place as if it had never been removed. But when Kyle went to shower and took off his shirt, he knew better than to question what had happened. His nose was broken, his stomach hurt like hell, and his stack of lists were waiting for him on the kitchen table like an ominous warning.
CLEAN ENOUGH FOR YOU?
(c) 2022 Start to Finish: Kyle and Nicole All Rights Reserved
I'd like your opinion on an idea I've been thinking of. Want to center a series of short stories around a cleaning company who helps people out of dangerous or seemingly impossible situations. Similar to the Denzel Washington film, The Equalizer, but on a larger, organized scale. Here's an example. Open to constructive criticism and feedback.
Living together wasn't supposed to be like this. Kyle hadn't cared about how sick she'd been. Or about the lessons she'd missed at school, and the job interview she'd had to cancel. Instead, his focus was on the so-called mess she'd left. Unlocking her cellphone, she called one of her emergency contacts.
"Alex's Cleaning Company, this is Oscar."
"Hi Oscar," Nicole replied with a raspy voice. "My name's Nicole Young, and I have a mess that needs cleaning."
The next morning, Kyle was woken by the smells of smoked sausage and fresh biscuits. He showered, got dressed, and walked into the kitchen to find a plate of food sitting on the table. Nicole was at the kitchen sink, still in her night clothes and drawing fresh dish water. She turned to face him as he sat down, but didn't say anything.
Kyle eyed his food suspiciously at first.
"You're not gonna eat?" He asked.
"I'm still not doing well." She said. Her voice was losing some of the raspiness, but it was still noticeable. "I'll clean up, and then get some more rest."
Liking what he heard, Kyle started eating.
"If you'd done that before, there wouldn't have been a problem last night."
Nicole just nodded and went back to washing the dishes.
Two hours after Kyle left, Nicole's cellphone rang.
"Hello?"
"May I speak to Nicole Young?" A female voice asked.
"This is she."
"This is Lily with Alex's Cleaning Company. I'm just calling to confirm your morning clean-up appointment with us. Is eleven a.m. still an available time for you?"
"Yes."
"Good to hear," Lily said. "We'll be there shortly, and I'd like to thank you for choosing us for your needs."
By ten forty-five, Nicole had everything she needed packed in a duffel bag. At ten fifty, there was a knock on the door.
*
When Kyle came home that evening, the kitchen light didn't come on, and the apartment was too quiet. Taking out his cell phone, he turned on his flashlight and looked around. The couch in the living room was gone. So was the television.
"What the fuck?" Kyle muttered.
He moved to the bedroom, and found it empty of furniture as well. No bed, no dresser, even the closet was completely empty. It was the same story with the bathroom. All the cabinets had been cleaned out, and the rugs were gone. There wasn't even any toilet paper left on the holder. Kyle walked back into the kitchen in a daze. He opened the refrigerator and all the cabinets above and beneath the counter tops. Empty.
"What the fuck is going on?"
That was when he noticed the papers in the sink. Holding them in front of his phone, he recognized his own handwriting. All the lists he'd made for Nicole had been dated and stapled together in chronological order. Written on the back of the stack in capital letters were four words.
CLEAN ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Suddenly, a strong pair of hands grabbed Kyle from behind. His phone fell to the floor as his legs were swept out from under him, and a thick arm put him in a sleeper hold. Kyle lost consciousness in a matter of seconds.
*
On Monday, Kyle woke up in his own bed to a silent, but fully-furnished apartment. Everything that had been gone on Saturday was back in it's place as if it had never been removed. But when Kyle went to shower and took off his shirt, he knew better than to question what had happened. His nose was broken, his stomach hurt like hell, and his stack of lists were waiting for him on the kitchen table like an ominous warning.
CLEAN ENOUGH FOR YOU?
(c) 2022 Start to Finish: Kyle and Nicole All Rights Reserved
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