First Person... with Omniscient? Yay or Nay?

[gphurley1]

My latest book has three POVs in it. The main antagonists (a married couple) and a South London dodgy dealer.

But I noticed one kick-ass section in Ch1 that is omniscient. Is that a total no-no? Or if clearly separated, is it ok?

But even if okay is it ill-advised? Genuine feedback is appreciated.

To be honest, I love it, It's comprised of the feelings etc of the residents in a hotel when it is raided by the police chasing our heroes. I think it works really well, and is quirky I guess I could re-write from one POV, say the heroine's POV as a flashback. But would it read okay?

 

[Leslie]

Hi GP
I think that is a hard one. I'm not sure there is one true answer. I mean there are rules that are broken and it still works right? LOL Look at 50 Shades of Gray, right? It seems like story trumps everything. If you have a strong story and it's compelling it seems to make other things that might be problems just not important. I guess what I would do is keep that as-is and finish the book. If you love it, then it's worth giving it a chance with readers. Get the feedback from your crit partners but even then trust your gut and your story.

 

[gphurley1]

Hi GP
I think that is a hard one. I'm not sure there is one true answer. I mean there are rules that are broken and it still works right? LOL Look at 50 Shades of Gray, right? It seems like story trumps everything. If you have a strong story and it's compelling it seems to make other things that might be problems just not important. I guess what I would do is keep that as-is and finish the book. If you love it, then it's worth giving it a chance with readers. Get the feedback from your crit partners but even then trust your gut and your story.

Many thanks. I'll carry on and think on it.

Diolch/Thanks.

 

[Violet Tempest]

I agree. Carry on. You can always cut/change it later. Right now, finish the book.

 

[Tracy Koppel]

It's a question for your beta readers.

 

[gphurley1]

I've fixed it. The section has a reference to a spy camera, found by the police towards the end -- so with some tweaks, it's through the PoV of one of the main characters watching the proceedings through the camera. Bingo.

 

[Tracy Koppel]

I've fixed it. The section has a reference to a spy camera, found by the police towards the end -- so with some tweaks, it's through the PoV of one of the main characters watching the proceedings through the camera. Bingo.

Sounds like a great solution!

 

[jrgoetz]

I think it can work if done right. Or if you aren't sure, write it both ways, set it aside for a week, then read them both and make a gut reaction decision.

 

[jeighlynn]

I'm late chiming in, but it sounds like you came up with a great solution. I do not write in omni. I write in deep 3rd pov, or 1st person. I also do not like to read omni as a general rule, but I have read it and I have seen it done very well. I know as a general rule editors frown upon it. At least all the ones I've worked with have. That said, I do think it depends. Sometimes things just work. And sometimes you have to take artistic license.