Do you have a difficult time making time to write? Do you family and friends always have things for you to do other than write? Do you feel like you have to argue with your family for just a bit of time to write and then feel so depleted that you can’t write anyway?
If you answered any of these questions in the affirmative, you probably allow others to violate your boundaries regularly. It’s hard to be productive when you have to fight for even a bit of time to do what you truly love.
Our family will always have something for us to do other than our writing. Nonwriters don’t understand how much time writers need to write their best manuscripts and stories. Therefore, our family will always try to keep us away from doing our writing.
Some people are just intimated by writers. We go into our office or space and write all alone. There is something anxiety provoking about that for nonwriters. They don’t know why we need so much time to write. Can’t we just write for an hour a week and be done with it?
Well, the quick answer to this question is no! We need time to read, research, plan, outline, and write. And we need to practise some self-care as well so that we can be at our best. And fighting for even a bit of time for ourselves is just the opposite of what we need to be our best.
Therefore, we need to create space and time for our writing. To create such times, we need to develop personal, emotional, and time boundaries. I delve into all these different types of boundaries this week and all next month because I believe it’s very important for writers to develop boundaries with their family and friends.
Boundaries often get a bad reputation, as though we will come across as pushy if we assert them too firmly. However, this isn’t the case. Here are three important things to remember about boundaries:
1. Good boundaries do not require being mean. Boundaries are as much about what you allow in and make yourself available to as they are about what you keep out. And there are plenty of ways to enforce boundaries without being rude. In fact, you can assert boundaries without other people even knowing that you are doing so.
2. Good boundaries mean you will create good work. You simply can’t produce your best creative work when everyone else and your dog have an equal say in how you spend your time, energy, and efforts.
3. Good boundaries are unique to each person. I can’t function after redeye or late-night flights; therefore, I no longer accept engagements that require them to fit into my work schedule. Maybe you love red-eye flights, and they pose no problem for you. You must discover your limits.
Therefore, I can’t tell you what your boundaries should be. But I can offer you some tips to help guide you to reflect in on the different areas in your life where you may have to impose boundaries.
Why Setting Boundaries is Important for Writers?
We all need space to ask for what we need and to build self-care into our day. Then we can do what we love for as long as we want in a healthy and joyous way.
Further, boundaries can help us determine our priorities and values. Boundaries will help us to delineate our sphere(s) of responsibility and personal space. When we develop strong, healthy boundaries, we know our limits. We can say yes or no to others’ requests, based on who and what we’re doing without feeling guilty.
In addition, we have a strong sense of identity and respect for ourselves. We don’t tolerate disrespect or abuse. We are able to communicate our needs and feelings clearly, and at the same time, we understand we are the only ones responsible for our own happiness and success. We stand calm in the storm of demands and sometimes manipulative behaviors of others around us. Healthy boundaries are like friendly, white picket fences between neighbours. They protect us.
Weak boundaries are more like fences are falling down. We once knew, perhaps, where our property lines were, but we’re no longer really sure. We have difficulty saying no to requests. Therefore, yes is our default position. We have a tendency to overcommit to others and then we resent that we didn’t honour own needs and wants and values.
When we have weak boundaries, we also get emotionally involved in other people’s business and have a difficult time separating our own issues with those of others. We may even have trouble saying no for fear of rejection. People with weak boundaries are people-pleasers. Rarely do they make time for themselves. Perhaps we are even wishy-washy with our needs, and unable to communicate a clear and assertive yes or no to others.
In the next few weeks, I will show you how to assert your boundaries so that you can complete your writing goals and ensure that you aren’t always fighting with your family for even a bit of writing time.
See you next time!
Irene S. Roth
If you answered any of these questions in the affirmative, you probably allow others to violate your boundaries regularly. It’s hard to be productive when you have to fight for even a bit of time to do what you truly love.
Our family will always have something for us to do other than our writing. Nonwriters don’t understand how much time writers need to write their best manuscripts and stories. Therefore, our family will always try to keep us away from doing our writing.
Some people are just intimated by writers. We go into our office or space and write all alone. There is something anxiety provoking about that for nonwriters. They don’t know why we need so much time to write. Can’t we just write for an hour a week and be done with it?
Well, the quick answer to this question is no! We need time to read, research, plan, outline, and write. And we need to practise some self-care as well so that we can be at our best. And fighting for even a bit of time for ourselves is just the opposite of what we need to be our best.
Therefore, we need to create space and time for our writing. To create such times, we need to develop personal, emotional, and time boundaries. I delve into all these different types of boundaries this week and all next month because I believe it’s very important for writers to develop boundaries with their family and friends.
Boundaries often get a bad reputation, as though we will come across as pushy if we assert them too firmly. However, this isn’t the case. Here are three important things to remember about boundaries:
1. Good boundaries do not require being mean. Boundaries are as much about what you allow in and make yourself available to as they are about what you keep out. And there are plenty of ways to enforce boundaries without being rude. In fact, you can assert boundaries without other people even knowing that you are doing so.
2. Good boundaries mean you will create good work. You simply can’t produce your best creative work when everyone else and your dog have an equal say in how you spend your time, energy, and efforts.
3. Good boundaries are unique to each person. I can’t function after redeye or late-night flights; therefore, I no longer accept engagements that require them to fit into my work schedule. Maybe you love red-eye flights, and they pose no problem for you. You must discover your limits.
Therefore, I can’t tell you what your boundaries should be. But I can offer you some tips to help guide you to reflect in on the different areas in your life where you may have to impose boundaries.
Why Setting Boundaries is Important for Writers?
We all need space to ask for what we need and to build self-care into our day. Then we can do what we love for as long as we want in a healthy and joyous way.
Further, boundaries can help us determine our priorities and values. Boundaries will help us to delineate our sphere(s) of responsibility and personal space. When we develop strong, healthy boundaries, we know our limits. We can say yes or no to others’ requests, based on who and what we’re doing without feeling guilty.
In addition, we have a strong sense of identity and respect for ourselves. We don’t tolerate disrespect or abuse. We are able to communicate our needs and feelings clearly, and at the same time, we understand we are the only ones responsible for our own happiness and success. We stand calm in the storm of demands and sometimes manipulative behaviors of others around us. Healthy boundaries are like friendly, white picket fences between neighbours. They protect us.
Weak boundaries are more like fences are falling down. We once knew, perhaps, where our property lines were, but we’re no longer really sure. We have difficulty saying no to requests. Therefore, yes is our default position. We have a tendency to overcommit to others and then we resent that we didn’t honour own needs and wants and values.
When we have weak boundaries, we also get emotionally involved in other people’s business and have a difficult time separating our own issues with those of others. We may even have trouble saying no for fear of rejection. People with weak boundaries are people-pleasers. Rarely do they make time for themselves. Perhaps we are even wishy-washy with our needs, and unable to communicate a clear and assertive yes or no to others.
In the next few weeks, I will show you how to assert your boundaries so that you can complete your writing goals and ensure that you aren’t always fighting with your family for even a bit of writing time.
See you next time!
Irene S. Roth
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