Watercooler Telling not Showing? In time-travel novel.

gphurley1

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Oct 22, 2022
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I tweaked my first chapter after superb advice from a small publisher. I'm excited about my book (again) and looking forward to the next pitch event.

I posted the chapter on a review site and had some great feedback. One reader suggested I make it more obvious in chapter one that the characters are time travelling. I'd put in subtle hints, eg they're in Aztec Mexico, call each other noobs and suchlike, and refer to WW2.

Do you think it's better to gently lead a reader in to keep them page-turning or shove it in their face to cause maximum WTH reaction? This reader wants the latter but it smacks a bit of "telling not showing" to me...
 
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Leslie

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I don't know if it's acceptable to pop the text of the chapter on here? It's only 1300 words.

Anyhoo, I dropped in hints such as 'noobs' and the WW2 reference which I thought were subtle yet thought-provoking. The issue is, should I be more "in your face" so the reader knows this is time travel from the off.
Sure you can do that. You also might want to try the Crit Partner Match, if you have not already.
 
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I just came across this post. Is this a standalone book? Is the time travel "accidental" or a planned thing, with the travel done by some mechanical or magical means?
Mine have been "accidental" travel and my main characters tend to have a "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" moment once they get there. I also put a time / location line to start the section or paragraph or chapter one they shift times/places.
 
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gphurley1

Wordsmith
Oct 22, 2022
0
3
606
Carmarthenshire
I just came across this post. Is this a standalone book? Is the time travel "accidental" or a planned thing, with the travel done by some mechanical or magical means?
Mine have been "accidental" travel and my main characters tend to have a "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" moment once they get there. I also put a time / location line to start the section or paragraph or chapter one they shift times/places.
It's designed to be the first in a series. The time travel is planned, the protagonists and antagonists have the means to time travel,

I put in a date and location tab at the start of each section.

By putting in hints I'm trying to reveal the time travel aspect rather than have one of them 'look at their watch' but so far two people have said it's unclear... or 'what would someone in 1519 say that?'
 
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