Watercooler Telling not Showing? In time-travel novel.

[gphurley1]

I tweaked my first chapter after superb advice from a small publisher. I'm excited about my book (again) and looking forward to the next pitch event.

I posted the chapter on a review site and had some great feedback. One reader suggested I make it more obvious in chapter one that the characters are time travelling. I'd put in subtle hints, eg they're in Aztec Mexico, call each other noobs and suchlike, and refer to WW2.

Do you think it's better to gently lead a reader in to keep them page-turning or shove it in their face to cause maximum WTH reaction? This reader wants the latter but it smacks a bit of "telling not showing" to me...

 

[MDJWrites]

Without having the content for context, I'd would say that dropping hints into the dialogue is actually showing, not telling....??
I could be totally wrong.
Michelle

 

[gphurley1]

I don't know if it's acceptable to pop the text of the chapter on here? It's only 1300 words.

Anyhoo, I dropped in hints such as 'noobs' and the WW2 reference which I thought were subtle yet thought-provoking. The issue is, should I be more "in your face" so the reader knows this is time travel from the off.

 

[Leslie]

I don't know if it's acceptable to pop the text of the chapter on here? It's only 1300 words.

Anyhoo, I dropped in hints such as 'noobs' and the WW2 reference which I thought were subtle yet thought-provoking. The issue is, should I be more "in your face" so the reader knows this is time travel from the off.

Sure you can do that. You also might want to try the Crit Partner Match, if you have not already.

 

[Barbara Sheridan]

I just came across this post. Is this a standalone book? Is the time travel "accidental" or a planned thing, with the travel done by some mechanical or magical means?
Mine have been "accidental" travel and my main characters tend to have a "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" moment once they get there. I also put a time / location line to start the section or paragraph or chapter one they shift times/places.

 

[gphurley1]

I just came across this post. Is this a standalone book? Is the time travel "accidental" or a planned thing, with the travel done by some mechanical or magical means?
Mine have been "accidental" travel and my main characters tend to have a "We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto" moment once they get there. I also put a time / location line to start the section or paragraph or chapter one they shift times/places.

It's designed to be the first in a series. The time travel is planned, the protagonists and antagonists have the means to time travel,

I put in a date and location tab at the start of each section.

By putting in hints I'm trying to reveal the time travel aspect rather than have one of them 'look at their watch' but so far two people have said it's unclear... or 'what would someone in 1519 say that?'

 

[gphurley1]

Sure you can do that. You also might want to try the Crit Partner Match, if you have not already.

sorry to be obtuse, what's the Crit Partner Match?

 

[Tracy Koppel]

Wouldn't the time travel be in the book description? I'm guessing most readers will know before they read the first page that it's a time travel book.

 

[gphurley1]

Not really... Although that could change depending on what editors/agents/publishers say.

 

[Tracy Koppel]

Not really... Although that could change depending on what editors/agents/publishers say

Why wouldn’t it be in the book description? It seems like key marketing information so that you attract readers who love that stuff and don’t end up with one- and two-star reviews from people who hate time travel books.